Episode number 15 has just been released and is available for you to listen.
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Navigating the time of puberty can be a challenging time for many, including parents. How do we do this and what do we need to be aware of to support ourselves, if we are currently traversing this time…or if we are adults, supporting young people as they find their way in the world. I know for myself, I really struggled during these formative years and battled with the intensity of all that was going on around me and within me. This is not uncommon, in fact, I think we tend to assume that this is a kind of initiation process that all teenagers will go through. But does it really have to be like this?
My guests on today’s show, have been working as relationship counsellors for many years. They are a couple and have been together close to 20 years. Their work is founded on supporting others to access the truth of their expression and to discover true love for themselves – what this means, what it looks like. They both love what they do and being able to observe and witness these changes that people make in their lives and the confidence that comes with that. You do not want to miss this stunning conversation with the magnificent Annette & Gabe.
Topics we covered:
The quality of the way Gabe and Annette live is a testament to the quality of their work. They are wholly and completely committed to being in service for others, showing us the way to truly live love. Super inspiring!
Growing up and during the teen years can be very isolating because of all that is going on inside, all that you are actually feeling. There are a lot of inner thoughts and feelings about what feels true for you yet at the same time you are being dragged by everything that the world wants to influence you with.
There are images coming in from every angle about what it means to be a woman – magazines, social media, music videos and media in all its forms. We are being shifted and shaped by all of this even if we don’t know it. These images are very pervasive.
This melting pot can be difficult to navigate. This comes with the changes in hormones as we mature and develop, and stress also affects how this all plays out. The intensity of all of this together, so many aspects that we are dealing with, can make these years quite challenging. Particularly if we don’t have a foundation of really knowing ourselves.
“Trust your inner knowing and establishing this relationship. Become strong in this and don’t shut that inner voice down because this is your truth, this is your wisdom, this is your intuitive understanding about how you need to be taken care of or how you need to express in the world” - Gabe
It is important to consider what else is going on in life that may be causing extra strain and stress which will be impacting these years as the body and being is developing.
Very important to find adults whom you have solid relationships with, who you trust and can talk to. You can’t force this to happen, but is definitely worth opening up to this kind of support.
Gabe talks about being very expressive in her sensitivity, very confident, very open. But when puberty started to happen and being aware of the changes in her body, as well as knowing that she was gay – she started to hold it all inside and developed this dual reality where she shut down her sensitivity, her sexuality and how she was really feeling. She knew that if others knew, it would cause a huge amount of upset. This, she made normal and later felt how much this actually impacted her.
The tidal wave of pressure from ideals and beliefs affects everyone around you, so essentially everyone is swimming in it.
We see this with teenagers being who we want them to be. You can see them moulding themselves to exactly what you want them to be.
It can be challenging, confusing and awkward to navigate this time. We are looking to identify ourselves but without a role model showing us to way, we struggle with knowing how to be ourselves. We all know this innately but we need to support ourselves to hold on to this knowing and what we are here to bring to the world.
Later when we get to our 40’s and 50’s and if we haven’t recognised that we have been living this duplicate life, we can get to a counselling session and realise that this strength that is always there, has been abandoned for 30, 40, 50 years. This can be devastating to feel and it is quite a job to go back and reclaim that and restore that.
The world says to you ‘You will not be who you are’ so you learn to shut it down. And you can live your whole life like this…and then life will inevitably reflect this back to us. For example, when we have children who go through their teenage years, we struggle with their reflection and choices because we haven’t come to terms with this for ourselves and who we have not resolved the shut-down from our own teenage years. This may evoke jealousy, resentment, shame, longing, loss, regret, missing out, the devastation of having our sensitivity crushed and not having had the space and the freedom to be able to express this.
If we don’t reconnect to this sensitivity within ourselves then we can struggle to support the teens in our lives. They may inevitably go through enacting the same patterns.
Cycle Wise Parents has been developed for this very reason.
What about being a young woman? There are so many stereotypes about what this should be. There are so many images that we are bombarded with. Ultimately, we need to live in a way where we are not so easily influenced by all of this. We need to find women who are genuinely confident in who they are, are at ease in their bodies and are settled within themselves and how they express and dress. These are the true role models we need in life.
"Innately we know who we are, and we innately want to express that" Gabe
It is a very explorative time – going from a child, to adolescent, to teenager, to adult. The key is to be able to do this in way that whatever path we go on, is to not feel like we have to lock ourselves in to that or for others to impose locking us in on that or labelling us as that forever. It is such a changing time in so many ways. Exploring is very natural but we need to allow ourselves the space and flexibility to finding and accessing what our true expression is.
In the age of social media, space and flexibility can be very challenging because we don’t get a break to feel where we are at.
What is the true expression of a woman? It is something we all have to find within ourselves. There is an equal expression of feminine and masculine energy within us that Gabe says for her happens simultaneously and harmoniously and with great equanimity. When expressing the masculine aspects, for example, she didn’t feel she needed to be a man to do this. She realised she can be feminine in vibration and equally masculine in vibration without thinking that this needed to look a certain way. It was simply her expression that came from the inside.
Women role model in the world and we need to be very responsible with that.
There is such a preciousness about being a girl and being a woman. And it is the same for boys, they are innocent and pure and sweet. Before and unless they get corrupted by the outside influences.
The presence of our cycle is such an important reminder of how delicate we are. It asks us to slow down, honour our sensitivity and our bodies. This is what is available.
“Find people in your life that you can be yourself with and reveal yourself to. As a teenager, consider to access and nurture those relationships and seek the support so that you have an anchor point that you can come back to” - Annette
Have a relationship with the maleness and femaleness expression – this is where true confidence comes from and the ability to be true to yourself and not be influenced by everything in the world that asks us to be everything else. It is the steady point that reminds us of who we are.
There are the perversions of what it is to be a girl, and what it is to be a boy such as the pack energy of both that tries to come in and compress us. These have nothing to do with the true expression and essence of the person. It is about connecting to and knowing the inner qualities and inner beauty of who we are. Then it is natural to take care of the body and the being. It is then natural to express this, and this expression will be exactly what is needed.
“Take time to self-reflect, giving yourself space to just feel where you are at. If you know yourself in this way, this is a massive foundational quality for being in a relationship with anyone. If you don’t have this, the quality of your relationships will be very superficial and very one-dimensional” - Gabe
Where to find more from Annette & Gabe
This comprehensive online course is now available - NEXT START DATE - Wednesday 16th June, 2021.
A 6 module series designed to support parents to bring more truth & understanding to periods and to empower them to support the young women in their lives. Through this awareness you will be able to support your daughter to develop a lifelong confidence and understanding of her own body.
Looking for support on how to support the young people in your life on all things periods?
Book a FREE 15 minute consult with Sara to find out more.